Monday, December 19, 2011

Sherlock Holmes: A Shadowy Review


I just returned from seeing a sequel I've been waiting two years for: Sherlock Holmes- A Game of Shadows. I have my complaints, but I really enjoyed it. It therefore goes without saying that this post shall list the aforementioned complaints. During my analysis I won't spare any details, so if you haven't seen this film, stop reading and go see the damn movie.


First off, I would like to state that I haven't completely read the 'Sherlock Holmes' series. But I know enough to justify the following grumblings.

Complaint #1:

I was very upset with how they handled Irene Adler. Is she dead? Alive? If so, where the heck is she? In a hospital somewhere? And why isn't Sherlock doing anything? Closure? CLOSURE?!


Complaint #2:

Stephen Fry as Mycroft? Really? Don't get me wrong, I love Stephen Fry. But who the heck thought to themselves,

"We need to cast someone as Robert Downey Jr.'s brother...

hmm...

someone who looks like him...

someone who reminds us of him...

hmmmmmmm.......

AH! Stephen Fry! They're practically twins!"


I think the casting directors need to get their eyes checked. In their defense, Fry fits the character's physical description perfectly. But Downey Jr. doesn't fit his own character at all.


Complaint #3:

The slow-motion high-detailed action sequences were present in abundance. Not that I would normally complain about a well-placed ass-kicking, but it was a little much. I often found myself thinking, "Yes, yes, we know the gunpowder has to ignite before the bullet can hurtle down the barrel and zoom closely past Jude Law's ribs. We get it."

It was cool, but it got old pretty quick. One should never have too much of a good thing.

Complaint #4:

As soon as I saw the waterfall outside Castle Dracula, I knew Moriarty and Holmes were gonna go plummeting over it. So during the entire last sequence I kept thinking,

"They can't do it. They're not gonna do it. Right? Nah, they can't do it...dammit, they're gonna do it."

Sure enough, Holmes and Moriarty took a slow-mo plunge as a horrified Watson looked on.

It was appropriately epic and left the series wide open for another sequel, but the writers really should have chosen a different conclusion. Moriarty is the Joker to Holmes' Batman. They're perfectly matched, and by the time we realize this, Holmes and Moriarty take the waterfall plunge and the novel concludes.

Sherlock survives the fall, just like he does in the film, but for them to use such an epically poetic conclusion this early in the film series makes me wonder how they're going to top it in the future. They should have kept Moriarty around for at least 3 films, he's a fantastic villain.


Complaint #5:

There. Was. No. Sleuthing.

Think about it. In the first film, Holmes has to piece together an intricate puzzle that ultimately leads to the discovery of Blackwood's not-so-supernatural scheme to kill the lords of parliament. In the sequel, all Sherlock does is go around trying to stop Moriarty from blowing up his next target.

We know exactly what's going on, there's no guesswork for the audience aside from wondering when Holmes and Watson are nearly going to be killed again. Of course, there is the mystery of Renee, Simza's brother. But he just didn't seem that important. If there was any mystery it should have lied in Moriarty and his plot to start a war.

Now, time for praises!

I loved the gypsy girl, Madame Simza. My favorite thing about her character was the fact that she didn't become anyone's romantic interest.

Yet the care she displayed for Watson and Sherlock was appropriately poignant. I particularly liked the scene where she held Sherlock's head in her lap and hummed a lullaby as he lay dying.

Speaking of Sherlock dying.

I liked the fact that Sherlock passed away at that point. Some may say it only created pointless drama but I appreciated the acknowledgement that a human being cannot endure the sort of beating Sherlock received and survive. And the way he died was just as realistic. There was no gasping or heartfelt sentiments or dramatic last-breath-then-go-limp shenanigans. Sherlock is simply lying quietly in Simza's lap, watching Watson, and his eyes slip shut. I honestly thought he had fallen asleep. It wasn't until the gypsy girl held her hand beneath his nose and said "He's not breathing!" that I realized what had happened.

I liked Mary's role in this film, I feel like she got to do a lot more this time. I particularly liked her participation in exposing Moriarty. Firstly, it shows how capable she is, and secondly, it shows how much Sherlock has come to respect and trust her.


I also liked how they expounded upon Holmes and Watson's bromance in this film. There was more than one moment where they stopped and made oogley eyes at each other and I couldn't help but go, "Aww." Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.'s chemistry alone makes this worth watching.


One of my favorite aspects of these films is the humor. There were plenty of laughs in this sequel, most of which lied in the dialogue.

"I'm getting married tomorrow."
"Oh! Embrace me."

Robert Downey Jr. is a natural comic, making one of my favorite moments the adrenaline shot. Unfortunately, I can't quote it. But just take a moment to remember the way he leapt to his feet and charged at the wall, shouting something like, "Satanic pony!"

And lastly, Jared Harris' portrayal of Moriarty was fantastic. I like how the casting directors chose a very average-looking Joe to play a morally insane super villain.

I think this throws the audience because they're expecting someone with an evil brow or glint in his eye, like Mark Strong's Lord Blackwood.


Then again, Jared Harris is a ginger.

One of my favorite scenes was when Moriarty and Holmes are going through their final physical confrontation in their minds, step by step, both coming to the conclusion that neither could win, thus resulting in the waterfall plunge. Another moment that was pretty harsh but extremely well done would be the hook torture scene.


(For those of you reading this without having seen the movie, that hook is in his freaking shoulder. Yeah.)

First of all, it lets you know that Moriarty means business. He knows so limits. Second of all, it lets you know that Moriarty is completely bonkers. I mean, who does that?

So, overall, I really enjoyed this film and I plan on seeing it at least one more time on the big screen. But between it and the first film, I prefer the first. It was perfectly balanced with just the right amount of humor, action and mystery. The sequel, on the other hand, was overloaded with action that left hardly any room for mystery or a compelling story.

I must therefore diagnose this film with the dreaded disease known as 'Sequel Syndrome'. It's bigger, it's louder, but it's not better.

Go see it anyway.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Beginning of the End

I would just like to say, in writing, officially, that I have completed the most intense ulcer-inducing sanity-stretching semester I've ever experienced. And while I still have to grade a grandiose stack of papers before Christmas, this is the first time in months that I have virtually nothing to think or worry about school-related.

It's an odd phenomenon.

I've yet to experience the euphoria that supposedly comes with the finish of a semester (the girls upstairs blasting the Party Rock Anthem certainly seem to be engrossed in it). Perhaps it'll hit me once I land safely in Long Beach tomorrow. I'll let you know.

But for now I still feel like Frodo at the end of 'Return of the King'. Everyone is doing this:


But I'm still like this:


Maybe if Aragorn came along and told me, "You bow to no one!" I would feel better.

For those of you who care enough, take note: This is the one and only time I'll ever compare myself to a femmie hobbit.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Brief Notifying Notice

Greetings, thou good and faithful readers.

I would like to apologize for my lack of bloggage. I'm currently working on one that psychoanalyzes villains but it's going to need a lot more time, of which I have very little. This is mainly due to an absurd amount of schoolwork and grading.

In the mean time, please enjoy this pointless video and enjoy my blog's Christmas makeover.


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Curse of Sensitization


I was crossing campus on my way home today when I heard raised voices. This isn't unusual; BYU students are notorious for immaturity and frivolity. What really caught my attention was the tone of the voice. He sounded genuinely upset. It didn't take long for me to locate the source of the disruption; two men were standing toe to toe in front of the JFSB.

One was shouting, the other was quietly trying to talk him down. "Why are you touching me? Stop touching me!" The calmer man took a careful step backward, hands raised in surrender.

At this point I was still doubting the genuineness of this confrontation. After all, this was BYU. The likelihood that these men were actors or social science students was much higher. It wasn't until the Douche dropped the F-bomb that I realized it was real.

The Shouting Douche continued to rant and rave before he dropped a few more F-bombs then finally retreated into the building. The calmer man remained standing where he was, likely in shock, then slowly walked away.

What really floored me was the lack of reaction around me. No one was even looking! I wanted desperately to shout at the Douche, "Shut up before you embarrass yourself anymore! And get off this campus, you don't deserve to be here!" But I doubted anyone would have backed me up. They probably figured it was safer to keep their heads down. Pansies.

I was also surprised by how much hearing those words shocked me. I consider myself fairly desensitized as far as cursing goes, thanks to a few favorite rated-R movies and growing up in Southern California (and my dad). Maybe I've gotten soft. Or maybe it's because I heard it on BYU campus, the last place in the world besides a temple I would expect to hear foul language.

Whatever the case, I was genuinely surprised, and even more surprised by the fact that I was surprised in the first place.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Hector and I


Last Wednesday the unthinkable happened. My MacBook, Hector, crashed.

He crashed hard.

I was typing away when he suddenly froze up for the first time in 4 1/2 years. He had been running a little funny, but I thought it was due to the recent software upgrade to Snow Leopard. I forced him to restart by holding down his power button.

That's when all hell broke loose.

And by 'hell', I mean a blinking '?' symbol. Yes, the dreaded '?' symbol. It means your Mac can't locate it's own brain. I've kept all his original installation discs and manuals so I whipped them out and tried some troubleshooting. Nothing worked. I cooed, I coaxed, but Hector wouldn't rouse. He was gone.

As this realization dawned, I experienced a curious feeling in my face. It was a flushing heat that resembled some sort of demented blush. It was accompanied by a clenching in my chest and I had trouble thinking straight. I was having some kind of panic attack.

Thankfully, it was gone as quickly as it came and a warm calm descended over me. I could practically hear Heavenly Father telling me, "He's gone. There's nothing you can do. Calm down."

The fact that I'd backed up my data was also a comfort. It was nearly midnight, so I knew Apple's call-in support centers were closed. I tried a little more troubleshooting, but to no avail.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't do homework, I couldn't check my email. I felt cut off and isolated. And that's sayin' a lot because I'm somewhat of a hermit to begin with. Eventually I gave up and watched 'Thor' where I found solace in the gleaming biceps thereof.

The point I'm trying to make is that I've become far too dependent upon my laptop. My whole life is on it. A stranger could learn everything there is to know about me through Hector. My favorite websites are on it, my journal is on it, my favorite movies and television shows are on it, my music is on it, my stories are on it, my schoolwork is on it, my schedule is on it. You name it, it's on it.

The next day I called Apple and they walked me through a diagnosis that confirmed my fears; Hector was done for. It turns out his demise was entirely my fault. I was unknowingly running him with a scarce 5GB of free space. Unable to bear the weight, Hector buckled.

I would need a new hard drive. Apple's estimate was $700 to fix him. At that rate I might as well invest in a new computer. The panic was long-gone but at this point the wretched sorrow took over and I burst into self-pitying tears. I couldn't deal with this!

Thankfully, the computer repair center in the BYU bookstore had New Hector up and running for $145 in 30 minutes the next day, Friday. I had gone without a personal computer for two days and somehow survived.

I think I deserve an apple-shaped medal.
And an honorable mention for my dad: I know you don't read these, but thank you for the help!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Ode to a Backpack


Oh mine beloved backpack, how I shall miss thee. I mourn your broken, tattered body. Thine noble blue canvas frayed, thine perennial zippers unzipped.

For eight long years you carried my books, my folders, my clothes, never wavering 'neath the load. Graduation was nigh, the end was in sight.

But alas, you could not endure unto it.

Fear not, dearest Jansport, for thine works shall be rewarded in the hereafter. Your youth shall be restored, thine zippers and canvas again made whole. Relieved of thine earthly hardships, you shall frolic with the Dakines and North Faces among the fields of backpack paradise.


I commend your life to the book bag deity.

I commit your body to the dumpster.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Phantastic Rant: 25th Anniversary Edition

I just got back from seeing the 25th anniversary production of The Phantom of the Opera. I have mixed feelings about it. Maybe it's too soon to blog but I would rather it be fresh in my mind, so here we go...

My first and foremost complaint involves the set design.


Looks awesome, right? Wrong!

It's all digital. Nothing behind them is real. Have you ever tried to record a television screen with a video camera? The resulting image is a warped/waggly disaster that's hardly recognizable. I'm sure it looked fantastic in person but to the thousands of broadcast viewers like myself, it was just downright distracting.

I never thought I would get drawn out of 'Music of the Night' because I kept noticing pixels behind the Phantom's head.

Overall, the set design made me miss the traditional/original set. One of the coolest moments in the show is when the candelabras rise out of the stage as the Phantom and Christine go on their little cruise.

What did the 25th anniversary have? Digital candelabras and the cruise lasted about 10 seconds. It was missing that organic feel that brings the stage and story to life. I felt shammed.

Oh, and speaking of shamming, I've never felt so shammed as I did during the chandelier drop. You know why? Because it didn't drop. Yes, you read that right.

The.
Chandelier.
Didn't.
Drop.

And yet! The Phantom still hollered his infamous, "Goooooooo!" What the hell was he yelling at, then? My high hopes?

Let me stop here and say this: I thoroughly enjoyed this show. I really did. But I have to vent my frustrations before I can praise, so hang in there.

Another classic moment they totally botched was the death of Joseph Bouquet. Normally, the scene builds in suspense and tension by casting shadows of the Phantom chasing Bouquet above the ballerinas. This scene is staged in homage to the the 1929 Phantom film starring Lon Chaney, when the Phantom terrorizes via looming shadows:


And here's the same moment from the Broadway production in 2008:


And what did the 25th anniversary give us?

The Phantom casually strolls up behind Bouquet and slips the noose around his neck with little to no struggle. In plain view of the audience. No cat 'n mouse, no shadow play, no build up. Nothin'.

[Phantom]
Ahh, what a lovely day for a little stroll in the catwalks. But ho! What's this? Joseph Bouquet? Methinks I'll strangle him.

[Bouquet]
Durp a-durp a-durp. I'll just stand here, facing one direction, holding perfectly still. It's not like I'm the perfect target or anythin--aaack!

And don't even get me started on how cheesy the Bouquet dummy looked. Honestly, people. This is the 25th anniversary. Can't we afford a decent dead body? Albeit fake?!

Another issue I had was in the position of the orchestra. They weren't in their customary pit. Rather, they were up above the actors, between the lower digital screens and the upper digital screens. Awkward? I think so.
Especially during 'Wandering Child' when the Phantom beckons Christine from her father's tomb. I couldn't focus on the Phantom because the conductor was literally right behind him flappin' his arms. That being said, the orchestra was beautiful.

Okay, now on to the good stuff.

The cast was amazing! Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess blew me away as the Phantom and Christine. Their chemistry is off the charts. They've previously played the Phantom and Christine together in the dreaded sequel 'Love Never Dies':


For those of you who haven't read my previous 'Phantastic Rant', these are the two I wanted to be in the film rather than Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum. So it goes without saying I was pretty elated when I found out they were cast for this performance.

Ramin really captures the Phantom's anguish and madness in a perfect blend that makes him just as terrifying as he is piteous. His performance in the unmasking scene was particularly heart-wrenching.

Not to mention his powerhouse voice. All in all, Ramin Karimloo was born for this role.

Sierra Boggess actually made me like Christine. What the heck? Did I really just type that? Yes, I actually liked Christine for once! Boggess makes Christine vulnerable without resorting to the 'I'm-just-a-young-naive-girl' excuse. And, like Ramin, she has a spectacular voice I can't wait to slap on my iPod.


The rest of the ensemble was incredible, especially during 'Masquerade'. Instead of having a handful of people scattered on a staircase then filling in the spaces with dummies, they actually had a staircase jammed full with real people!

I don't think anything will ever top the 2004 movie's 'Masquerade' scene, but this came pretty dang close. Seeing nearly 200 people sing and dance in perfect sync was one of the many moments where I caught myself grinning like an idiot during the show.

But when it all boils down, the only thing this production had worth seeing was the cast.

Cameron Macintosh is mainly to blame for most of my complaints. He is the original and current producer of the show who wanted to 'revamp' the production and re-imagine the entire thing. I couldn't help but compare this to Les Miserables' 25th anniversary, for which he was also responsible as it's producer. This production didn't even compare with Les Miz's 25th.

The Les Miz 25th production was absolutely genius. I knew the music inside and out, I had seen the original production before, I had even been in my high school's production, yet I felt like I was seeing a whole new show and I have no desire to see the original production again.

Phantom's 25th, on the other hand, made me long for the original.

Is it fair to compare them? I think so. Macintosh was responsible for both, both were treated with equal amounts of hype and fanfare, and both are equally beloved by theatergoers around the world.

So why wasn't Phantom able to meet my expectations the way Les Miz did? I'm honestly not sure. All I know is that they could have and should have done better.

The cast, bless them, did their very best with what they were given. Their stellar performances are the only thing that makes this worth seeing, and trust me, it's definitely worth seeing.

A couple of after-party pics for your viewing pleasure:


BOW to the master!!!

I peed a little when Colm Wilkinson came out for the finale. He's one of my favorite Phantoms ever.


The Original Series and The Next Generation. Aww.

Ramin Karimloo, Michael Crawford, Colm Wilkinson, John Owen Jones, and Anthony Warlow! How did the camera that took this NOT explode from overexposure to pure awesomeness?! In fact, I'm pretty sure them physically touching could cause a chain reaction that would result in the known theatrical universe imploding.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Freaking Avengers



Holy crap, I'm excited for this movie. I'll tell ya why.

Marvel has done an excellent job so far in introducing us to the Avengers in 'Thor', 'Captain America', 'The Incredible Hulk' and the uber-successful 'Iron Man' films. The team for next Summer's blockbuster will include:

Iron Man (Tony Stark)
Captain America (Steve Rogers)
The Hulk (Bruce Banner)
Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff)
Thor (by the hammer of!)
and Hawkeye (Clint Barton)




And our villain? None other than Loki.
Hell yes.


That being said, there's plenty of reason for me to doubt the success of this film. By 'success' I mean fan-pleasing. I have NO doubt it's going to smash a few box-office records. But the hardcore fans such as myself may have some qualms with how they handle these precious characters.

That's always the danger in a star-studded film. The filmmakers rely too heavily on star-power and don't pay enough attention to the story. So a movie crammed with fully-developed characters we already know and love is full of potential, but just as dangerous.


I'm thrilled Loki has been cast as the antagonist, but I'll admit, I'm going to have trouble NOT rooting for him. (Even if he's kicking Tony's butt, which I've heard is going to happen at some point during the film.)

My problem is that Loki is so dang likable.

I mean, how could you hate someone who looks like he's about to crack up laughing? He's the Norse god of mischief, he digs messing with people!


Plus, Loki's background and heartbreak (I won't go into specifics for those of you who haven't seen Thor) make him very sympathetic. Said Tom Hiddleston, "The great thing about Loki is there is potential in him for greatness and awfulness, for great heroism and great villainy."


So while I'll be torn between the Avengers and Loki, at least I'm going to have one heck of a time watching this movie. I'm so dang excited. Hurry up and get here May 4th!

Friday, September 9, 2011

A Realistic Miserable Rant

Okay, so my mom made a really good point. She basically told me to get over it and accept the fact that there's only going to be 'big' stars in this film. So here's my ideal cast with that in mind:

Jean Valjean: I'm still gonna say Alfie Boe. He's HUGE in Britain so he qualifies.


Javert: Hugh Jackman
You're welcome.


Thenardier: Geoffrey Rush

Madame Thenardier: Helena Bonham Carter

Fantine: Kate Winslet or Gwyneth Paltrow

Marius: Jim Sturgess

Enjolras: Patrick Wilson (might be a little old)

Eponine: What's-her-bucket from Glee...because you know it's gonna happen.

Bishop: Colm Wilkinson (No, he's not a 'big' star, but this isn't a 'big' role. Since he originated Valjean it just seems appropriate he have some sort of cameo.)

And while we're at it, could we get Alan Rickman in there? He could be one of the guards that shouts/sings to the students behind the barricade. Or little Gavroche. Rickman can do anything, don't deny it.