Ode to a Backpack

Oh mine beloved backpack, how I shall miss thee. I mourn your broken, tattered body. Thine noble blue canvas frayed, thine perennial zippers unzipped.

For eight long years you carried my books, my folders, my clothes, never wavering 'neath the load. Graduation was nigh, the end was in sight.

But alas, you could not endure unto it.

Fear not, dearest Jansport, for thine works shall be rewarded in the hereafter. Your youth shall be restored, thine zippers and canvas again made whole. Relieved of thine earthly hardships, you shall frolic with the Dakines and North Faces among the fields of backpack paradise.


I commend your life to the book bag deity.

I commit your body to the dumpster.

A Phantastic Rant: 25th Anniversary Edition

I just got back from seeing the 25th anniversary production of The Phantom of the Opera. I have mixed feelings about it. Maybe it's too soon to blog but I would rather it be fresh in my mind, so here we go...

My first and foremost complaint involves the set design.


Looks awesome, right? Wrong!

It's all digital. Nothing behind them is real. Have you ever tried to record a television screen with a video camera? The resulting image is a warped/waggly disaster that's hardly recognizable. I'm sure it looked fantastic in person but to the thousands of broadcast viewers like myself, it was just downright distracting.

I never thought I would get drawn out of 'Music of the Night' because I kept noticing pixels behind the Phantom's head.

Overall, the set design made me miss the traditional/original set. One of the coolest moments in the show is when the candelabras rise out of the stage as the Phantom and Christine go on their little cruise.

What did the 25th anniversary have? Digital candelabras and the cruise lasted about 10 seconds. It was missing that organic feel that brings the stage and story to life. I felt shammed.

Oh, and speaking of shamming, I've never felt so shammed as I did during the chandelier drop. You know why? Because it didn't drop. Yes, you read that right.

The.
Chandelier.
Didn't.
Drop.

And yet! The Phantom still hollered his infamous, "Goooooooo!" What the hell was he yelling at, then? My high hopes?

Let me stop here and say this: I thoroughly enjoyed this show. I really did. But I have to vent my frustrations before I can praise, so hang in there.

Another classic moment they totally botched was the death of Joseph Bouquet. Normally, the scene builds in suspense and tension by casting shadows of the Phantom chasing Bouquet above the ballerinas. This scene is staged in homage to the the 1929 Phantom film starring Lon Chaney, when the Phantom terrorizes via looming shadows:


And here's the same moment from the Broadway production in 2008:


And what did the 25th anniversary give us?

The Phantom casually strolls up behind Bouquet and slips the noose around his neck with little to no struggle. In plain view of the audience. No cat 'n mouse, no shadow play, no build up. Nothin'.

[Phantom]

Ahh, what a lovely day for a little stroll in the catwalks. But ho! What's this? Joseph Bouquet? Methinks I'll strangle him.

[Bouquet]

Durp a-durp a-durp. I'll just stand here, facing one direction, holding perfectly still. It's not like I'm the perfect target or anythin--aaack!

And don't even get me started on how cheesy the Bouquet dummy looked. Honestly, people. This is the 25th anniversary. Can't we afford a decent dead body? Albeit fake?!

Another issue I had was in the position of the orchestra. They weren't in their customary pit. Rather, they were up above the actors, between the lower digital screens and the upper digital screens. Awkward? I think so.
Especially during 'Wandering Child' when the Phantom beckons Christine from her father's tomb. I couldn't focus on the Phantom because the conductor was literally right behind him flappin' his arms. That being said, the orchestra was beautiful.

Okay, now on to the good stuff.

The cast was amazing! Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess blew me away as the Phantom and Christine. Their chemistry is off the charts. They've previously played the Phantom and Christine together in the dreaded sequel 'Love Never Dies':


For those of you who haven't read my previous 'Phantastic Rant', these are the two I wanted to be in the film rather than Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum. So it goes without saying I was pretty elated when I found out they were cast for this performance.

Ramin really captures the Phantom's anguish and madness in a perfect blend that makes him just as terrifying as he is piteous. His performance in the unmasking scene was particularly heart-wrenching.

Not to mention his powerhouse voice. All in all, Ramin Karimloo was born for this role.

Sierra Boggess actually made me like Christine. What the heck? Did I really just type that? Yes, I actually liked Christine for once! Boggess makes Christine vulnerable without resorting to the 'I'm-just-a-young-naive-girl' excuse. And, like Ramin, she has a spectacular voice I can't wait to slap on my iPod.


The rest of the ensemble was incredible, especially during 'Masquerade'. Instead of having a handful of people scattered on a staircase then filling in the spaces with dummies, they actually had a staircase jammed full with real people!

I don't think anything will ever top the 2004 movie's 'Masquerade' scene, but this came pretty dang close. Seeing nearly 200 people sing and dance in perfect sync was one of the many moments where I caught myself grinning like an idiot during the show.

But when it all boils down, the only thing this production had worth seeing was the cast.

Cameron Macintosh is mainly to blame for most of my complaints. He is the original and current producer of the show who wanted to 'revamp' the production and re-imagine the entire thing. I couldn't help but compare this to Les Miserables' 25th anniversary, for which he was also responsible as it's producer. This production didn't even compare with Les Miz's 25th.

The Les Miz 25th production was absolutely genius. I knew the music inside and out, I had seen the original production before, I had even been in my high school's production, yet I felt like I was seeing a whole new show and I have no desire to see the original production again.

Phantom's 25th, on the other hand, made me long for the original.

Is it fair to compare them? I think so. Macintosh was responsible for both, both were treated with equal amounts of hype and fanfare, and both are equally beloved by theatergoers around the world.

So why wasn't Phantom able to meet my expectations the way Les Miz did? I'm honestly not sure. All I know is that they could have and should have done better.

The cast, bless them, did their very best with what they were given. Their stellar performances are the only thing that makes this worth seeing, and trust me, it's definitely worth seeing.

A couple of after-party pics for your viewing pleasure:


BOW to the master!!!

I peed a little when Colm Wilkinson came out for the finale. He's one of my favorite Phantoms ever.


The Original Series and The Next Generation. Aww.

Ramin Karimloo, Michael Crawford, Colm Wilkinson, John Owen Jones, and Anthony Warlow! How did the camera that took this NOT explode from overexposure to pure awesomeness?! In fact, I'm pretty sure them physically touching could cause a chain reaction that would result in the known theatrical universe imploding.

The Freaking Avengers

Holy crap, I'm excited for this movie. I'll tell ya why.

Marvel has done an excellent job so far in introducing us to the Avengers in 'Thor', 'Captain America', 'The Incredible Hulk' and the uber-successful 'Iron Man' films. The team for next Summer's blockbuster will include:

Iron Man (Tony Stark)
Captain America (Steve Rogers)
The Hulk (Bruce Banner)
Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff)
Thor (by the hammer of!)
and Hawkeye (Clint Barton)




And our villain? None other than Loki.
Hell yes.


That being said, there's plenty of reason for me to doubt the success of this film. By 'success' I mean fan-pleasing. I have NO doubt it's going to smash a few box-office records. But the hardcore fans such as myself may have some qualms with how they handle these precious characters.

That's always the danger in a star-studded film. The filmmakers rely too heavily on star-power and don't pay enough attention to the story. So a movie crammed with fully-developed characters we already know and love is full of potential, but just as dangerous.


I'm thrilled Loki has been cast as the antagonist, but I'll admit, I'm going to have trouble NOT rooting for him. (Even if he's kicking Tony's butt, which I've heard is going to happen at some point during the film.)

My problem is that Loki is so dang likable.

I mean, how could you hate someone who looks like he's about to crack up laughing? He's the Norse god of mischief, he digs messing with people!


Plus, Loki's background and heartbreak (I won't go into specifics for those of you who haven't seen Thor) make him very sympathetic. Said Tom Hiddleston, "The great thing about Loki is there is potential in him for greatness and awfulness, for great heroism and great villainy."


So while I'll be torn between the Avengers and Loki, at least I'm going to have one heck of a time watching this movie. I'm so dang excited. Hurry up and get here May 4th!

A Realistic Miserable Rant

Okay, so my mom made a really good point. She basically told me to get over it and accept the fact that there's only going to be 'big' stars in this film. So here's my ideal cast with that in mind:

Jean Valjean: I'm still gonna say Alfie Boe. He's HUGE in Britain so he qualifies.

Javert: Hugh Jackman

You're welcome.

Thenardier: Geoffrey Rush

Madame Thenardier: Helena Bonham Carter

Fantine: Kate Winslet or Gwyneth Paltrow

Marius: Jim Sturgess

Enjolras: Patrick Wilson (might be a little old)

Eponine: What's-her-bucket from Glee...because you know it's gonna happen.

Bishop: Colm Wilkinson (No, he's not a 'big' star, but this isn't a 'big' role. Since he originated Valjean it just seems appropriate he have some sort of cameo.)

And while we're at it, could we get Alan Rickman in there? He could be one of the guards that shouts/sings to the students behind the barricade. Or little Gavroche. Rickman can do anything, don't deny it.

Another Miserable Rant

Ann Hathaway has been cast as Fantine.

What.
The.
F.

And you know why? Because she sang a FEW seconds of 'On My Own' at the Oscars this year! That wretched evening of awkward moments and flat jokes we'd all like to forget! I don't doubt she has a good voice, in fact it's fairly decent. But we don't want decent. We want fabulous. Fan-frickin-tabulous!!! And you know who would be perfect? Lea Salonga!

She played Fantine in the Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert and she was incredible! I can personally vouch for her now too because I just got back from seeing her in concert! She sang Fantine's 'I Dreamed A Dream' and I nearly peed my pants it was so awe-inspiring. And when she sang Eponine's 'On My Own' the audience flipped out and we gave her a standing ovation! And the show wasn't even over yet! FREAK!

Okay...I'm calming down now. I like Ann Hathaway. I really do. Just not for this.

So far it's looking like the casting directors are shooting for the big stars, but what they need to realize is this movie won't need big stars. It's going to draw in audiences all on it's own.

Here's my ideal casting for a FEW roles:

Jean Valjean-- Alfie Boe or J. Mark McVey


Javert-- Andrew Varela or Andrew Varela

Fantine-- Lea Salonga

And you know what? While she's at it, just have her play Eponine too.


Marius-- Justin Scott Brown or Daniel Radcliffe (actually Radcliffe doesn't have that great of a voice, but with the way things are going I can see him being cast)


Enjolras-- Ramin Karimloo


The Bishop-- Philip Quast or Colm Wilkinson. Or better yet--have them both do it! It will be doubly awesome and highly entertaining. (But in my fantasy world they're still young enough to play Javert and Valjean)


Thenardier-- Paul Bettany (Don't know if he can sing, but he's being considered for Javert so he must...)


What do you think?
My first 'Miserable Rant' can be found here:
http://memoirsofakimmy.blogspot.com/2011/07/miserable-rant.html

The Subtle Science of Anthropology

Today I taught my Anthro 101 lab for the first time. I burst through the doors and swept to the front of the class as I said, "There will be no foolish pencil waving or silly lectures in this class! As such i don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is anthropology." Then I singled out a little Freshmen and decided to make his life a living hell.

Just kidding.

But wouldn't that have been awesome if I did?

Hopefully I'll never have to channel Snape, they seem pretty well-behaved. I was nervous, in fact I had to actually tell myself in my head "Calm down, calm down, calm down..." for the first few minutes. Eventually, I got into the swing of things.

When I first arrived there were several students loitering in my classroom from a previous class. I slowly made my way over to the podium and gave them a questioning look. Then I heard a girl say, "Is there another class in here?" A boy replied, "They can wait." It was 5 minutes 'till the top of the hour, so I figured my freshmen didn't need to wait any longer for some lazy jerks. I said in a loud voice, "Are you kids here for the Anthro section 16 class?" They replied in the negative, so I made a sweeping movement toward the doors and said, "Out!"
I heard an indignant, "'Please'?"

I cast them a Snape-worthy sneer and repeated, "Please get out!"

Normally I wouldn't have been so callous but my students were literally crowded outside in the hall waiting on these jerks. Once the douche bags were gone, my Freshmen made their way in and I had to focus on getting cheerful.
'Cheerful' and 'Kimmy' don't normally appear in the same sentence, my countenance can seem gloomy or angry even when I'm perfectly content. So I had to focus on controlling my facial expressions while telling myself to "calm down calm down calm down" at the same time.

Looking back on it, I probably shouldn't have tried so hard. I must have looked like a twitchy-faced schizo gripping the podium for dear life. I can only imagine what those little Freshmen thought of me as they walked in.

But it turns out they're a good bunch of kids. So far. I'll always have my inner Snape handy just in case.

A Very Potter Musical

I was up until 2am Monday night because I couldn't stop watching this hilarious Harry Potter parody I had stumbled upon. It's a full-blown musical, presented by a couple of die-hard fans wanting to spread the joy of Harry Potter fandom.


The reason I couldn't stop watching wasn't just because it was funny, I had to know how it ended! The story was a fascinating mash-up of all 7 books. It starts with Harry and the gang going back to Hogwarts for their second year, where the 4 Hogwarts houses are competing for the house cup in a tri-wizard tournament...except it's more like a quad-wizard tournament because there are 4 champions; Harry, Draco, Cedric, and Cho.

Professor Quirrell is teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts with Voldy on his head, who is plotting to plant a punch-ladle portkey at the Yule Ball that will send Harry to the graveyard. Once Voldy is resurrected and sings a rousing song with his Death Eaters (including Snape), he decides to take over the wizarding world as they know it and the battle of Hogwarts begins.

The part I was impressed with the most were the actor's performances. They didn't imitate anyone from the films. They each put their own spin on their character. For instance, Dumbledore walked around wearing flip flops and spoke like Mel Brooks.

Snape and Malfoy were my favorites in particular. Every time either one stepped on stage the audience would giggle in anticipation.


In addition, the musical numbers were actually very well done. The actors are all accomplished singers, especially Harry, who is played by Glee's Darren Criss. But after a while I found myself skipping through the songs because I wanted to get to the dialogue, which held the funniest moments by far.

I particularly enjoyed this exchange--

Death Eater: Now we've got you right where we want you!
Dumbledore: Yes, but what I don't understand is how?
Death Eater: We had the help of a man on the inside. Someone you trusted. Someone you may have even loved.
Dumbledore: Slughorn? Lockhart? Aberforth? Snape?
Draco: *Enters* No! It was me.
Dumbledore: Malfoy, ya little shit!

That part wasn't even the funniest, it's just the only example I could give out of context.

I also watched A Very Potter Sequel, which is why I stayed up so late. Each musical is about an hour and a half long. So the next time you feel like watching a movie, hunker down in front of a computer and give these a try:

The first one starts off kinda slow, so hang in there...
A Very Potter Musical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk
A Very Potter Sequel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OepW-AG-Ris

The Very Potter Sequel features Lucius Malfoy as the main villain, though Dolores Umbridge has way more stage time. She's played by a ripped guy in a skin-tight pink dress and talks like Jim Carrey's Vira De Milo.


So I invite you, dear reader, to partake in the hilarity. Scratch that, I dare you to partake. Except you, Mom and Brianne. I wanna watch it with you.