Monday, July 11, 2011
Apocalypse at 7-11
Yesterday I made the monumental mistake of going to 7-11. My very nature is to be 'out of the loop', therefore I had no idea 7-11 was giving away free Slurpees all day, 7/11/11. Tony was on empty, so I needed gas regardless. It wasn't until I had pulled into the driveway that I realized my mistake. I carefully maneuvered my way toward the pumps, all the while dodging masses of sugar-seeking children and adults running like crack heads toward a free pancake buffet.
All the pumps were taken, and Tony and I began to despair when, hark! Up ahead! I saw a set of doors shut on a little Ford as it's occupants climbed back inside.
At that point I didn't care how many diabetic craplings I hit, so I zoomed aggressively over to the soon-to-be vacant pump and...I see a man walking toward the Ford. Is he a tardy passenger? Get in the car, dude! But wait...he's taking the cap off the tank...he's picking up the pump...and inserting it...dammit. So I had to wait with Tony's butt awkwardly sticking out in traffic's way while Mr. Ford took his sweet time. For those of you who haven't guessed already, Tony is my Toyota pickup:
Just kidding. Tony's way crappier:
But that's why I love him. Anyway, his butt was really in the way. And, of course, it didn't help to have people zooming past with a scant few inches to spare as they rushed to get their sugar buzz. While I waited, I watched the masses pressing in on the doors to the convenience store and was vaguely reminded of a horde of zombies, "Slurpee...slurpeeeee...!" There was even a terrified-looking Arab dude inside I half-expected to see wielding a shotgun.
An eternity later, Mr. Ford hung up the pump and paused to confer with one of his passengers. I was on the verge of yelling "Just get in the damn car!" when he finally strolled around to the driver's side and casually slipped into the seat.
Minding the zombies, I quickly pulled up and paid for some gas with my firstborn child. I escaped the 7-11, lesson learned.