*Warning, mild but tasteful profanity*
Last night I was roused from a pleasant slumber by my stomach making a fuss. Our conversation went a little something like this:
Me: *Groan* Whaaaaat?
Tummy: Well good morning Sleeping Freaking Beauty! I've been shouting at your lazy ass for the past half hour!
Me: What do you want?
Tummy: Code red, baby, we're evacuating!
Me: What? Why?
Tummy: Because of that Indian crap you stuffed me with earlier, that's why!
Me: You're not gettin' along?
Tummy: Look, I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally.
Me: Then what's the problem?
Tummy: It's stinkin' up the joint and has bad taste in music!
Me: That sounds racist to me.
Tummy: Tolerance is moot at this point! Now get to that toilet, pronto!
Me: I got a better idea, how 'bout I just go back to sleep and the two of you duke it out?
Tummy: I've given you a fair warning, don't make me do something you'll regret later.
Me: You wouldn't.
Tummy: Oh, would I?
Me: *Sigh* Fine, gimme a minute.
Tummy: Nu-uh, you got a second!
Me: I will literally shut my mouth and swallow it so you have to deal with it all over again if you do anything rash! Now give me a damned minute!
Tummy: Fine! Make it a quick one.
Me: Why couldn't you deal with this earlier? It's 4am.
Tummy: I was busy!
Me: Doing what?
Tummy: Trying to figure out what the hell I was dealing with, you've never given me something like this before!
Me: So it took you 8 hours to figure out you couldn't digest it? Weak.
Tummy: Imagine someone shoved about 50 smelly foreigners who didn't speak a word of English into your bedroom and said, "Hope ya get along, have a good night!" What would you do, eh, anthropologist?
Me: I'd...embrace them and their culture. Then in all likelihood try to throw myself out the window.
Tummy: And since I can't exactly leap outta your torso this is the next best thing, so hustle!
Me: Alright, alright. I'm going.......Oh look, my roommates fallen asleep on the couch again. With the lights on.
Tummy: What a schmuck.
Me: A crude, but accurate description.
Tummy: I try.
And that is the story of how I lost three hours of sleep last night. And why last night was the first and last time I'll ever eat Indian food. The nausea just isn't worth it.